so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
