your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I didn't notice because vodka
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
