Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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