It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
In other news, I just burned my penis
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
