think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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