I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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