know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
