the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
