Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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