Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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