a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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