upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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