If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
