At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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