I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm like, not good at living.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
