you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
