six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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