just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
