if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
