something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
