o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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