Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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