sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
