i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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