grandma shit on top of the toilet
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
