His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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