apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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