I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
