I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
