I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I know her cup size but not her name....
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
