i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
