I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
