When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
