If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
