I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
