I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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