i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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