somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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