I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
