also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Let the clothes fall where they may.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
