And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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