There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
