I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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