I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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