the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
