I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
