***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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