I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
