Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize