this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
