So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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