"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize