Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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