We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Is it penis luge time yet?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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