I'm lost and stupid without you.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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