When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
