he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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