The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
