Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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