I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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