it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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